Vacation Part 3

“He’s a shmuck.”

Shmuck is definitely the most common word to come out of my tio Wieland’s mouth. I can understand why since it is kind of fun to say and easy to use without being that offensive. We drive around Lima and weave through the microbus congestion, notice in disbelief when a mototaxi insists on driving in the breakdown lane of the Pan-American Highway or when people cross the highway on foot, leaping into the median ditch and waiting for trucks heavy with produce/chickens/whatever to pass, when only a few yards away is a pedestrian bridge over the highway. Each one of these frequent events beg for “that guy is a shmuck.”

“Look at that shmuck.” Wieland says, drawing the sounds of s, h and m out and then closing with a deliberate –ck sound.

Wieland was nice enough to not use “shmuck” on me a few days ago when I waited anxiously for the Continental website to show a status of “In Flight” for Doug’s flight from Boston. I had panicked (a little…ok maybe a lot…sorry to everyone that had to follow the mushiness on Facebook) when it looked like the snow in Boston could cause delays or even cancellations. Doug was only coming for a week as it was, it had been 15 days since I had last seen him and frankly, I didn’t want to wait any longer. Much to everyone’s relief, Doug was more or less on schedule with both his flights and so, as planned, I hopped in a taxi from Wieland’s house around 10:30 to make the 1/2 hour trek to the airport to meet him.

As I was hopping in to take the taxi, Wieland asked the driver what route he was planning on taking. The driver was obviously flexible and when Wieland suggested the Costa Verde (a road that runs along the water...kind of like Storrow Drive in Boston), the driver shrugged an affirmative.

I was yawning for most of the beginning of the ride but then began realizing that my driver was not owning the roads like a typical Limeño maniac. The typical driver here maneuvers aggressively, weaving around slow, cautious drivers so as to efficiently make his or her way from Point A to Point B. My driver, on the other hand, was driving slowly, too cautiously and every so often, very subtly drifting over the median line.

Something was obviously wrong.

I was in the right back seat, opposite the driver, and thus, found myself leaning left towards center so I could watch the road. I glanced at the driver’s face, wracking my brain back to the moment I climbed in the car. I hadn’t smelled any alcohol on him and if I hadn’t, Wieland certainly would have. Was he drunk? I don’t think so. A car came up behind us, flashing his lights to say “move over!” so he could pass. My driver didn’t move over and the car behind us sped past in the right lane. I watched my driver’s eyes blinking rapidly and then slowly closed, only to snap back open. My driver was falling asleep at the wheel!

You’ve got to be kidding me, I thought. How could it be that in a country that lives for doing everything 2-3 hours behind American schedule (dinner is at 8 or 9, nightlife starts no earlier than midnight, etc.), I had a driver that at 10:40PM on a Friday night was freaking falling asleep at the wheel?!

I kept watching him and the road, torn between my options. I could (a) anxiously keep monitoring the road and scream if I saw him drift dangerously far into the wrong lane, (b) call Wieland (but what would he do) or (c) ask him if he was ok and maybe even see whether he needed to stop for a coffee.

At this point we were in a not so nice part of San Miguel and I didn’t really feel like stopping for coffee. I opted for (a), hoping that he would spring back to life and everything would be fine. Maybe I should start having a conversation with him? When I’m tired, it helps to blast loud music, have the window down, talk to people… This dude was flipping radio stations every once in a while but none of the music was really upbeat. Peruvian ballads? WTF. That’s not going to keep you awake!

I watched one last drift on the road and then gently touched his shoulder. “Estás bien? Parece que estás tratando de dormir.” (Translation: Are you ok? It looks like you’re trying to sleep)

Not surprisingly, he sat up straight and said “No, no, estoy bien.” I kept watching him and was relieved when he picked up some speed and started driving like a normal Lima driver again. Maybe he was embarrassed, but if that’s what it took to get back on track, that is probably better for both of us.

The rest of the ride was relatively uneventful. My driver and I exchanged some words intermittently (e.g. What time does your visitor get in? What airline? When I told him the airline, he looked it up on his phone while driving…no big deal). Finally, we got to the airport and he told me to go ahead and hop out while he parked the car. Fine with me.

So much anticipation! I practically sprinted towards the international arrival terminal, waiting outside for a little bit until I realized that visitors are indeed allowed to go inside and wait for their loved ones. About 30 seconds later (talk about timing), I saw Doug walking out of the baggage claim area. He quickly spotted me and with a huge smile on his face, walked over.

The End.

Just kidding.

The rest of that night is pretty boring. We took an uneventful car ride back to Wieland’s house in Miraflores. Doug and Wieland met for the first time and one of the first comments Wieland had was “you’re taller than I thought you would be.”

The three of us chatted on the way down to Lagunas and at 1AM we pulled into to Lagunas, he met my tia Lucia and Camila and we passed out.

It is now Tuesday, January 25, 2011 and Doug has been here for 3 whole days now. We spent the weekend at Lagunas, enjoying the beach, sun and the Wielandino’s lovely house. He has seen Asia (the shopping center near Lagunas), eaten amazing food prepared in house and at Granja Azul (pollo a la brasa…mmm) and is getting along beautifully with everyone (not that I expected any differently). I won’t go into too much detail since it will be more fun to tell stories in person to those that want to know and that way, I don’t steal Doug’s thunder about his first trip to Peru. :)

We are heading back to Lima today and will be on a more touristy itinerary the rest of the trip with plans to visit to some of Lima’s historic and other awesome hotspots.

We have been watching the weather in Boston and it sounds terribly cold. So glad we are here in the warmth instead for a few more days.